New Year, birthday, new jobs, new school, anniversary milestones-these all speak of fresh starts and renewed commitments. I suppose we all have a story, perhaps a transforming story.
What is our story? Ed and Betty Call, who were a preparing UME Clergy Couple and a retired missionary couple from our home church had been inviting Cathy and I to attend a weekend for over a year and a half. We were not interested, after all we had a “pretty good” marriage, but that all changed New Year’s Eve 1998 when my dad suddenly had a massive heart attack. His death was a devastating loss. Our marriage and ministry began to spiral out of control. We decided to accept Ed and Betty’s invitation to attend the Weekend in April 1999.
Before our Weekend, we enjoyed a healthy relationship with God and what we judged to be a good marriage. We loved God’s word, Scripture came alive as God spoke to me in my study and prayer time; however due to this tragic personal loss, I became angry with God and I was closed and withdrawn from Him for several months. I found it difficult to pray or read God’s Word, which led to just going through the motions of a Spiritual relationship. My relationship to God directly impacted my relationship to Cathy. We no longer shared devotions or prayer time together.
Communication was limited to schedules and meals. I now hid my feelings from her. I felt cold and isolated and we spent little time with each other. I judged Cathy was disappointed in me. I had angrily rejected God’s love and was rejecting the love of my life who was also in pain. To the world we appeared to be a happy Christian couple. But inside we could not share our feelings and silently pressed on wondering when our masquerade would be discovered.
I had counseled others in the steps to heal a wounded heart. But I could not heal my own. Healing requires communication. I had stopped communicating with Cathy. I decided to risk reaching out to her on our Weekend by being transparent and trusting her to lovingly receive my feelings.
Through the dialogue process I shared my deep feelings of anger and hurt and truly listened to Cathy’s feelings. Being open and vulnerable with Cathy helped me do the same with God. I found God was wanting me to come share my feelings honestly, to dialogue with Him. Now our relationship with God and each other is vibrant and thriving.
We know everyone’s story is different, perhaps not as dramatic,
but this was our new beginning. A new beginning that continued to not only affect our marriage, but our ministry, church, family, and friends. Cathy and I began teaming Weekends in 2002. This year we will have teamed 58 Weekends over the last 20 years. And as we say in Marriage Encounter, we know, “The best is yet to come.”
Having the “best marriage” instead of a “good marriage” transforms your life journey. Being the best husband or wife is a realistic pursuit and it can start by going on a Weekend.
Cathy and I invite you to attend another Weekend, especially if it has been three to five years since you were encountered. In life, change is constant, but new beginnings can happen at every stage of life and marriage.
Sincerly,
Kendall & Cathy Thomas.
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